How to deal with a partner who can’t stop cheating

Love is blind, they say. And, sometimes, quite literally!

How many of us are guilty of forgiving our partners once too often for their hurtful actions?

When it comes to a cheating spouse, however, you would think there was no scope for forgiveness.

Surprisingly, today, not many think cheating is the ultimate sin in a relationship.

If you are one of those who doesn’t mind giving your partner a second chance, here are ways you can deal with his or her cheating ways…

1. Count yourself out: This is less about you and more about your partner. So, quit blaming yourself. Realise that it is a flaw in your significant other that got them to stray from the relationship, so spare yourself thoughts like, ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I should have been better.’ Remember this, if you weren’t good enough, they should have dumped you instead of keeping you as a backup while enjoying with someone else.

2. Confront the person: Yes, we know this sounds more difficult than it seems, but it is important no matter how hard it may be. You cannot let this go without hearing the words, ‘Yes I cheated.’ Address the person with your doubts (or proof) and let them know that you are aware of their ‘fun’ time. Make sure you have a face to face conversation about the same.

3. Get a confession: While confrontation may lead to this step, you’ve got to be assertive that you ask them clearly whatever is on your mind, so you know the real deal. For instance, if you have a partner who is cheating on you by being just physical with someone, ask them why they did the same. Nonetheless, if your partner were both emotionally and physically available to someone else, that could be a red alert that your relationship has slipped out of your hand for good, and restoring it could take more effort and time.

4. Check if they are repentant: Going off on a guilt trip post cheating is normal… people do that all the time. But how genuinely sorry is your partner, that is for you to decipher. Is your partner taking it easy, behaving like ‘well, cheating is just another thing in a relationship!’ If so, he or she is a serial cheater who just doesn’t feel sorry about doing you wrong. But if you’re with someone who admits they’re sorry, and makes efforts to mend their life and your relationship, maybe another chance (depending on how many you’ve already given them) would not be a bad thing.

5. Can you forgive: After hearing your partner out, ask yourself this question… Can you forgive them for what they did wrong? While we know this whole space resembles a religious doctrine, we must admit that forgiving your partner is step one of moving on to a healthier space in your relationship. Unless you do the same, there is just no sense in being together. Face it— it is important to be okay with what went wrong before getting back on track.

6. Voice out the rules: To set in trust in your relationship, you and your partner need to be vocal about what is right and what (even remotely) seems wrong. Tell the other person about everything that makes you insecure, jealous, possessive and most importantly, everything that is unacceptable to you when in a relationship. Setting ground rules for both is a good start.

7. Give it time: When someone wise said, time heals it all, they were very true. There’s nothing that time doesn’t get you to forget. Give your relationship space and time, and also, don’t bring back the bad memories of your relationship. Let bygones be bygones. Try never bringing it up in any discussion with your partner. Also, even when you are upset with your partner or have nothing to say in your defense during an argument, ensure you don’t try to put them on a guilt trip about the past.