First of all, let’s establish that having high standards in relationships is not a bad thing. Everyone deserves to be happy, and everyone is free to define what that means for them.
If that means that you won’t settle for anything other than a doppelgänger of your favorite movie star with the personality of a saint — so be it. It’s all good.
It only becomes a problem when you don’t realize that your standards are too high. And if they are (and you don’t), hopefully this article can help.
1. You’ve never had a long-term relationship
You might have had many good friendships, many short relationships, but never something that would stick for a while. Not inherently bad, but if the common thread is that “nobody was good enough and there’s something wrong with them” consider they maybe your standards might be too high. It’s entirely possible you’ve just been unlucky with the people you’ve met, but also — maybe not?
2. You judge people a lot
Generally speaking, being judgmental isn’t a good character trait to have. And it’s one thing if you’re judgmental, you know about it, and you’re fine with it. It’s a completely different thing if you’re judgmental and it’s getting in the way of you meeting new people, making new friends, and starting new relationships. If your knee-jerk reaction is to judge people and immediately look for what’s wrong with them, you’re going to have a tough time avoiding loneliness. Just make sure you don’t overcorrect. It’s better to be judgmental than have no “filter” for the people you’re spending your time with.
3. You have standards you’re not even aware of
Like I’ve said earlier — high standards are not a bad thing. You can have high standards and live your life with them in mind, looking for people who meet them. What’s awful is when you have standards you’re not even aware of. If you haven’t done the introspection bit of thinking “who’s right for me” then you’ll constantly be hitting an invisible wall of finding things you don’t like about people at random moments.
4. You don’t give people chances
Not giving people chances comes hand in hand with being judgmental. Or at least it can. And not giving people chances isn’t great. Standards, in general, are good as a “filter”, but it might be unreasonable to expect somebody perfect to come by and meet all of them. Be on the lookout for people who meet most of them and give them a chance.
5. You only ever look in one place
You might only be looking for people in one place. It might be your campus, your place of work, your neighborhood, or online communities with people who enjoy the same things you enjoy. However, if “proximity” is one of the standards in your book, you’re really narrowing down the amount of people that you could become friends with. Broaden your horizons! There’s so many fish in the sea (so to speak).
6. You know what you want
In the end, knowing what you want is a good thing. It’s always better to have high standards rather than no standards at all. There’s no way to be happy if you just settle for the first thing that comes your way, no matter what that is. You have to have standards and you have to have healthy boundaries. So, even if you find that having high standards is becoming a problem for you — don’t beat yourself up about it.
