Every community has its own marriage customs, and for the Bemba, one of the largest ethnic communities in Zambia, the ritual comprises four crucial steps. One must go through all the processes for one to be considered part of the family.
In the past, the emphasis was placed on the labor service performed by the son-in-law, but it has since changed with many families focusing more on payment than on labor. In contemporary Zambia, the word “Bemba” originally meant great expanse like the sea, the name the Luba descended tribe called itself after conquering an enormous expanse of land in what is now northern Zambia.
Today the meaning has been altered to mean several meanings. It may designate people of Bemba origin, regardless of where they live, e.g. whether they live in urban areas or in the original rural Bemba area. Alternatively, it may encompass a much larger population that includes some ‘eighteen different ethnic groups’, who together with the Bemba form a closely related ethnolinguistic cluster of matrilineal-matrifocal agriculturalists known as the Bemba-speaking peoples of Zambia.
To get married within this matrilineal tribe, the first thing is the acceptance of the marriage proposal, known as icisumina nsalamu. And no, this is not the bride agreeing to the proposal. It is a rather simple ceremony where the bride’s family prepares and presents food to the groom to show that the marriage proposition is welcome- the food gives the ceremony its name. It comprises a mealie meal called nshima and a plate of a whole chicken.
The groom does nothing at this stage as the ceremony only marks the bride’s family’s acceptance of him. This icilanga mulilo ceremony also highlights that the groom was now responsible for the welfare of the bride who is now permitted to cook and do laundry for her husband-to-be. Unlike the first ceremony, they allow the groom to give something back- usually money as a token of appreciation for the food.
While all these ceremonies are significant, the most important one is called the Ukukonkola, also known as granting authority. In this ceremony, the bride’s family prepares a meal to symbolize the granting of authority to the groom by the bride’s family to make decisions that affect his wife’s side of the family without consulting his in-laws.
The last ceremony is the amatebeto or thanksgiving, which happens after the marriage has taken place. It is a way of acknowledging that the man has kept the marriage trouble-free and can take care of his wife’s welfare. The extent to which they perform this marriage ritual varies from one Bemba family to the other, but they are all considered vital processes for any marriage to start off.
