So many people get into a relationship thinking they can change their partner. Others believe major issues — like “red flag” personality flaws or bad habits — will magically go away with time. But, unfortunately, that’s hardly ever true.
That’s why, when it comes to dating, you shouldn’t assume your partner can or will change. Going into a relationship with any assumptions is a bad idea and could lead to massive disappointment and a breakup down the line.
The best thing to do is assume your partner will remain the same forever, and then adopt a sort of love ’em or leave ’em” mentality.
Accepting your flawed partner is one option, as is deciding their issues are a total deal breaker. Read on for some habits and traits that will never change, and remember that the choice is up to you:
1. A lifelong personality flaw
If your partner has a personality flaw — like narcissism or a lack of empathy — it’s likely not going to go away. You will never change personality traits because by definition they are unchangeable. You can, however, help your partner react differently in certain situations and change how they behave. This may require therapy, but if it’s for your relationship, it’s probably worth it.
2. That thing that happened in their past
If your partner has a sordid or troubled past that’s affecting them currently — and thusly affecting you — it’s important to figure out whether or not you can accept it. You have no control over the events that have come to shape who they are. All you can do is change how they experience life with you. So stop fighting against the past omr go ahead and move on.
3. Whether they’re an introvert or an extrovert
If you’re an extrovert, it might be tempting to drag your introverted spouse out to parties in an effort to change their mind. But trust me — it won’t make much of a difference. If your partner is an introvert … no insistence that the more is the merrier will change this essential part of his or her personality,. So you either embrace your differences, or — if it truly bothers you — date someone else.
4. Their sense of humor
A compatible sense of humor is incredibly important in a relationship, so decide now if you’re OK with the fact your partner can’t crack a joke. Their sense of humor will likely not change, If someone isn’t funny by nature it is something that cannot be learned. Simple as that.
5. Ongoing struggles with addiction
It’s totally possible to recover from an addiction and keep your symptoms in check. But there are so many instances of people relapsing that issues like these are definitely worth keeping in mind. “No amount of love, nagging, etc., will ultimately be a solution to this problem – help can only happen if the person decides for himself or herself that treatment is needed and chooses to seek it.
